You just had an argument. What to do?
How to stop arguments from destroying the intimacy…
Scan your body.
Where do you feel tension?
Do you clench your hands?
How are your jaws feeling?
If you are tense, you are in a defensive mode and that’s not the place to have a conversation from.
Physically create distance with your partner.
Then scan your body and breathe into the parts that feel tense.
Move your arms, jaws, pelvis and breathe deeply into your belly and hips. Breathe into your heart and feel gratitude for the sun, your life, your breath.
Do you feel calmer and more relaxed now? Or do you need to go for a walk, talk to a friend or maybe scream into the pillow? Then do it!
Having a break changes your state and prevents you from saying something you’ll later regret.
Now you are ready for a conversation! Have courage and go back to them.
Stay open and tell them how the argument made you feel without blaming them, just sharing your feelings in very simple sentences: “I felt upset; I felt scared; I noticed how my body tensed up; I felt lost and didn’t know what to say; I felt angry.”
Scan your body and release any tension that comes up with your breath. Don’t be scared to express your emotions, crying is a good sign that your are staying open.
Experiment, see what happens if you just state your emotions and body sensations in a simple sentence and leave it at that. It can really amaze you, I promise.
Do you need a step-by-step formula to talk about your needs and be heard?
With a warm hug,