Is your sex life boring? Here’s why…
Enjoyable or frustrating?
Supposed to be lots of fun, right?
If sex is not as fulfilling as you want it to be…
…you might have a nun/monk archetype as part of your psyche.
An archetype is an energy that represents universal patterns of human nature. Most of us are familiar with a hero or mother archetypes.
(read Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss for more info on archetypes and how they play out in our lives).
If you have Monk/Nun archetype as part of your psyche (no, you don’t have to be an actual nun to have this archetype) and you are not engaging a spiritual dimension of sex… it could be difficult for you to find sex appealing.
Because for people with this archetype it’s important to infuse all aspects of their life with spirituality. For these people life is essentially a spiritual journey and they relate to themselves as a spirit having human experience.
NOTE: Positive qualities of the monk/nun archetype – spiritual, devoted and wise.
Shadow qualities – removed from the real world, overly pious, judgmental of body and sex.
Most of us want to experience a spiritual dimension of sex. Sex that opens us up to LOVE, dissolves boundaries between ‘me’ and ‘you’, connects us to the Divine and brings fulfilment. Sex that’s more than just a physical interaction between the bodies. Otherwise sex life can get boring.
Is this so for you?
But for nuns and monks it’s essential to bring spirituality to physical intimacy if they are to find sex worth their time. If a nun/monk are in a sexual relationship, their dis-interest in sex can be hugely frustrating for their partner.
What To Do:
If you relate to monk/nun archetype, or if you suspect your partner might have this energy in them, you need to learn how to bring spiritual dimension to your sexual encounters.
Imagine having sex that feeds your body and soul. You know, sex that is deeply fulfilling, intense or gentle, infused with deep loving connection with your partner and, as important, with yourself. Sex that opens you up and connects you to the Divine (or God, or Love, or Spirit).
What does it involve? How do you feel? What’s happening with your body?
This is your bliss.
Now remember the last time you had unsatisfying or boring or even painful sex. What happens with your body? How do you feel?
This is your hell.
See your bliss and your hell. Now you need to discover what’s on the way to your bliss. Imagine travelling from your sexual hell to your bliss. What’s on the way? What could be stopping you? What do you need to do to come closer to your bliss in sexual encounters?
Here are some suggestions:
- Maybe you need to meditate together before engaging sexually. I like to sit quietly and eye gaze to shift my attention from everyday reality into a spiritual dimension.
- Maybe you need to talk to your partner and tell them what you’d like your sexual encounter to look like. Most of us need to be way more open about our needs and desires with our partners.
- Maybe you need to look at your belief that ‘sex is not spiritual’. This is quite a common belief for people with monk/nun archetype. In my view, spirit comes into form through sex. And sex allows us to lose the form and connect with the spirit world. For me sex is more about energy exchange then physical interaction.
- Take couple of minutes for this.
- Then say out loud “Sex is spiritual”. (It would work better is someone else says these words to you.)
- Notice what happens in your body when you say these words.
- Is there a part of you that moves away or contracts or says ‘no’? If such a part comes up for you, you’ll need to talk to it and find out why it is there and what does it want. The best way to deal with this part is to find a therapist to support you. It’s difficult for people with a monk/nun archetype to enjoy sex if they believe that there is nothing spiritual in sex.
- Maybe you need to connect to the Divine before engaging sexually and take things slower to stay connected to the Divine. My way of connecting is to breathe and feel my body as part of nature, part of life, part of the Divine.
- I expand my consciousness as far as I can and feel the life force running through my body. What do you need to do to connect to the Divine?
- Maybe you need to create an ambience that helps you feel spiritually elated. Humans were always aware of the power of symbols to assist in connection to God/Spirit/Divine. Candles, flowers, sacred objects and music are often part of sacred rituals.
- Maybe you need to work through barriers and beliefs that are on the way of you seeing your body as a sacred vessel.
- Take your journal out and complete this sentence “My body is….”.
- Write down as many sentences as you need, but no less than 10 to find out what you really think about your body.
- If you discover that you judge your body, it’d be very difficult for you to enjoy deep connection with your partner and bring spiritual dimension into your sexual life, because sex happens through the body.
- Again, a therapist is a good resource if you want to bring more pleasure and fulfilment into your sexual life. I’ve created a whole program to assist women in loving their bodies, because I know how much dislike of our bodies affect our intimate relationships.
- Maybe you need to learn how to channel sexual energy into higher dimensions. I will talk about this in my future blog posts.
What do you need to do to bring spiritual dimension to your love-making? Yes, it is possible to enjoy deeply fulfilling sex that creates more love, peace and expansion.
If you need support to get to your bliss, apply for a free “How to Enjoy a More Fulfilling Sex” breakthrough session here.
Also, please reply with your comments and ‘ahas’, I’d love to hear from you.